The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
