eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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