this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
