Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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