Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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