Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
