"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
