yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
