My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
