She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
