you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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