proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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