Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
