So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
