I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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