Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
