good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
