Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
