Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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