They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
