Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
