my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
