Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
