eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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