he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
