my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i out mim tonsoeep
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
