Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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