I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
