He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The best revenge is premature balding
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
