Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
