I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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