hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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