drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
