Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i will never coherently bang her
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
