i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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