She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
