I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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