I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
