Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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