a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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