So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
