just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
