Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
