She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
