I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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