FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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