My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
