You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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