When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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