I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
