The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
