and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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