Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
