Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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