do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
