hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
