part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
