I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
