Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
