There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I understand Curling. That high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
