she looked like the before picture.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
