yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
