We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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