i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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