She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
