Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
love makes seman taste better
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
