All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
