mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
