We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
