I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
