after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
