I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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